The Real Reason Why Women Hate Men

Dear (Some) Men [I say some because y’all get offended when we say all],


I want to start this off by saying that we, the feminine population, love you immensely.

I used the word ‘hate’ in the title because it really is a deep-seeded hate that overcomes our bodies. It passes, but while we’re feeling it? That’s hate, honey. That being said, I have to uncover a harsh truth about why we get so angry with you sometimes.

When you do dastardly things like cheat on us, lie to us, betray our trust, or just do something incredibly stupid, we become enraged. I confess that our rightful ire has roots in an unexpected place.

In other men’s pants.

Whenever you fuck up royally our thoughts immediately go to all of the potential partners with amazing penis & financial backing we passed up just to hold on to you, because we love you.

I can vouch for at least 86% of American women when I say that the one phrase we’d LOVE to shout at you when you mess up is:


The trips I turned down? The dinners I opted out of? The sex I didn’t get? The gifts I gave back? The calls I didn’t take? UGH. After all the sacrifices and fun times we gave up just for you to do some fuck shit?

Of course we can’t say that because then your feelings (or as you call it your “ego”) will be hurt. Lord knows the male ego is historically one of the most damaging aspects of society.

We get so mad because we could’ve been with someone else. Harsh but true. Had you just been honest, we could’ve worked out whatever. But because you like to lie and take away our agency, we’re mad as fuck. Don’t think we’re not loyal because if we weren’t we wouldn’t be in this angry predicament with you. But the reality is that women are more apt to “dating like men” than you think.

I don’t think you grasp how many options women truly have, despite the reports of there being only 1 man for every 7 women in the world. Women are bombarded with offers, propositions, opportunities, chances, and leg ups (no pun intended) daily. We have the power to move mountains simply by giving the right man the time of day.

Each opportunity is precious, especially if you’re living the gospel, so passing up on someone who can assist you in your endeavors is a deep regret that many women have.

Once a woman finds out that she was wrong about you, she can blame you for a time, but she really wants to blame herself for not seeing what you were truly capable of & not making the right choice. I’ve certainly been there.

The reality is that all of this love stuff is a crapshoot. You have to take the risk; it’s just part of the game.

I just thought you deserved to know why we’re really mad.



Spokeswoman for Real Live Gals 


The Hard-Headed Woman’s Guide to Letting Go

guide to letting go

Being born with a stellium of Aquarius in my 1st House, I know a thing or eight about what it means to latch onto something until you’re forced to let it go.

The key requirement to use this guide is to be detrimentally stubborn. When it comes to friends, lovers, jobs, apartments, clothes, and life, sometimes it’s hard to let go of the things you’re accustomed to having in your life. Here’s my ever-evolving guide to how I’m letting some shit go.

Embrace feeling fed the fuck up.

Hold onto that feeling of being tired of having the same old arguments. Making those same mistakes because you’re too afraid to lose something (or someone) if you went for what you really wanted. Your comfort is non-negotiable.

Don’t feel guilty for wanting what you want.

Whether it’s a relationship, more money, or peace & quiet, don’t be afraid to go for what you want. I’m changing damn near daily and it’s too difficult to contort myself into the desires I exalted even months ago. The game changes. Often. Don’t feel imprisoned by your own old rules.

Submit to the separation.

Give in to the loss. Let it wash over you. Feel it fully. Holding it in will only make it hurt worse. Release. Accept that it is done, and there is nothing your stubborn ass can do to stop this. Either you’re going to let it go or God’s going to rip it from you. The choice is always yours.

Stop thinking you control anything outside of your self-orchestrated chaos.

I’m going to be real here. A lot of the stress & anxiety in my life is Made in the United States of Me. Not to say my environment doesn’t contribute to it, but the majority of the pressures I feel are self-made. I built the walls & moats & castles of pride and ego I hide my heart behind. I’m the only one with the knowledge of how to demolish these structures.

Know that things will turn out okay.

Things may not end up perfect. Things won’t turn out the way you thought. But they’ll turn out. Keep that in your mind, heart, and prayers.



10 Ways I Like to Turn Down


turn down

1. Wine

I’m a 20-something professional Black woman who believes Olivia Pope’s father is the real MVP. Wine is not a game in these streets. I’m quite partial to popping a bottle of vino & chilling at home as the shows I watch get funnier as I get sleepier.

Wine also brings people together. Want to hang with your friends but don’t feel like going out? Tell everyone to bring a bottle of wine & a good attitude. Some of my favorite cheap brands are Apothic Red & White and Sweet Bitch. Yes, Sweet Bitch is the name of the wine & it’s lovely.

2. Nap

I’ve never been into naps. I was always the kid that liked to stay up during naptime & watch how ugly the other kids were when they were sleeping.

However, as I age my body doesn’t give a damn how I feel about naps. I find myself taking hella accidental naps once I get home and lay down too long on the couch.

3. Massage

Getting a massage is a real luxury for me. It’s part of my me-time. There’s nothing like a good rub down after being stressed out for awhile. I tend to carry my stress in my neck, shoulders, and back. Thanks a lot overactive brain and boobs.

4. Read

Diving into someone else’s world for some time is the only way to stay sane sometimes. I’m partial to romance novels with slightly controlling billionaire boyfriends that rescue a quirky twenty-something from a life of mediocrity.

5. Eat

I love going to restaurants by myself. I don’t have to consult with anyone about what we’re eating. I don’t have to watch them take forever to pick a meal. That restaurant you’re always saying you’ll go to when you have someone to go with? Stop waiting for that person. Go yourself. Don’t be afraid to eat alone.

6. Create

Making something tangible is a way I decompress. I like the mini-heroine’s journey that happens when I decide to knit, crochet, sew, or write. My hard work results in something I can use or give to someone, and that fulfills me.

7. Cook

Whipping work in the kitchen is therapeutic for me. It’s dope to mix all these ingredients together to build flavors and create a good meal. I don’t do it as often as I’d like (because work), but a home cooked meal can cure a lot of what ails me.

8. Shower

Yes, that’s right. Take a shower. You want to find yourself some mellow? Hop in the shower & scrub yourself down with some Dr. Bronner’s castile soap. Don’t panic when all the dirt comes off of you. Have you ever read the label on a bottle of Dr. Bronner’s castile soap? It’s long as ever, but it goes deep into how important it is to cleanse your body & how it affects your spiritual health.

9. Travel

Going to faraway places does wonders for your mood. You don’t have to spend a ton of money to travel. I like to drive a little further than usual to explore a new part of the city. I especially dig watching anything Anthony Bourdain has ever made. Seeing another culture gives me perspective, and it’s nice to dream of the world from the couch.

10. Sex

Really hope my Dad isn’t reading this.

Sex is a great way to locate some chill. The chemical cocktail of oxytocin, serotonin & dopamine does wonders for your stress. Get gussied up, see what your pre-screened lover is doing, and let them know & why it should be you.


How do you turn down?